enchiladas

Lately, all I want to eat is a chicken and cheese enchilada, preferably from El Haberno in Magna or Los Cucos in Sandy. This is because a) I can't eat burritos anymore (gluten), so the closest thing I can get to a burrito these days is an enchilada and b) I have been stressed and in times of stress I turn to carbs. Luckily, I can no longer shove loaves of bread in my mouth when I'm stressed, but I still have the urges to carb-binge when I'm stressed. I think carbs become serotonin or dopamine or some other vaguely familiar chemical that produces immediate satisfaction which I lacking right now.

Not to say that things are bad right now, but I have been having a hard time getting into the swing of this school year because I have 250 students, seven class periods, and three different preps. My classes are huge (up to 46) and every day I have a new student or a student transferring from another class period.

Boo hoo hoo, right? Well stress takes a toll on my health, and sadly I haven't stayed on the good track I was on at the end of the summer. I tried meal planning only one week so far, and ended up cooking only two of the meals I planned. Thankfully I have maintained my weight, even after not working out in over a week, but I'm getting nervous that I'm going to gain it all back right now. I literally have not had time to workout. I know that is a common excuse people give, but there have not been enough hours to do what I need to.

On a positive note, I am taking a four day weekend to go to Chicago to see my best friend and her family. She is having an engagement party and her dad is re-marrying, so this will be a much needed fun weekend away from work. I'm hoping that when I come back I'm refreshed and able to pick up where I left off, aka not wanting to only eat cheesy enchiladas for every meal. 

how I lost 15 pounds without trying all that hard

I am proud to announce that I am officially 15 pounds DOWN! I have been wavering between 10-15 pounds of weight loss for a few weeks, but yesterday I stepped on the scale and it was the lowest I have seen it in three years. THREE. I emphasize three because it's kind of depressing that I had been carrying around that extra weight so long! Luckily though, it's gone now.

How did I do it?

Well, let's start with how I didn't do it.

No pills
No weird shakes.
No crazy fitness programs.
No calorie counting.
No starving or depriving myself.

I hate gimmicks and though I'm one or all of the above has been beneficial to someone out there, I know myself. I don't follow through with set "programs" and I don't like counting calories because a) I'm bad at math b) I'm lazy and c) I used to struggle with eating disorders and I used to obsess with every single calorie that I put in my mouth and it was unhealthy. I don't ever want to go down that road again.

So what have I been doing?
1. I discovered that I can't eat gluten, so cutting that out immediately made me feel better and drop a few pounds.

2. I eat more fruit and vegetables. I don't always eat at least five servings a day, so I just make sure to add extra the day after I didn't eat as much. The easiest way to do this: salads.

3. I eat smaller meals throughout the day. This tricks my mind into thinking I get to eat more throughout the day even when I don't. It also makes my metabolism faster.

4. I don't deprive myself. If I want gummi bears, I eat them. If I want extra mayo in my tuna, I add it. I'm sure if I was more strict on "bad for you foods" I could be down even more pounds, but if I ever feel deprived I'll overeat. Since I started eating healthier months ago I haven't felt the need to binge on anything.

5. I have cut out almost all processed foods. I still eat them on occasion, but generally speaking, if it has more than five ingredients, I don't eat it.

6. I started working out again, anywhere from 1-3 times a week. Sometimes I work out hard, other times I do 30 minutes of strength training and call it a day.

7. STRENGTH TRAINING. Ladies, I can't stress enough how important this is. Most women I see at the gym stay in the cardio section. Cardio is obviously important, but if you really want to feel good and see a change in your body, it's important to strength train. I honestly feel like I've lost over 20 pounds just because I now have toned muscles.

Fifteen down, fifteen more to go!

what I ate Wednesday #3

Today was my first day of school, so naturally the day was hectic. Today's "meals" were virtually all snacks, and though this list of food may look like a lot, I didn't eat all that much in each sitting.

Meal 1: Two slices GF toast w/ PB, a banana, and coffee
Meal 2: Fruit leather, almonds, hard boiled egg
Snack: Dark chocolate covered almonds (from Trader Joe's--they are amazing!) and iced tea (unsweetened of course)
Meal 3: Sandwich w/: GF bread, turkey, 2 slices havarti cheese, mustard, and mayo; pickle, small bowl of chocolate fudge ice cream (Tillamook Brand)
Meal 4: One black bean-zucchini patty (it's literally three ingredients: black bean, zucchini, and ground flax seed!), polenta, and a bit of ranch dressing

Again, you may be thinking "Ummm you're trying to lose weight?" Yes, I am, and I am.

1) Smaller meals trick my brain into thinking that I get to eat more than I actually do. Because inside, I'm really just a fat ass who is obsessed with food. 

2) Smaller meals boost my metabolism.

3) I have to incorporate some slightly-very unhealthy food into my diet or else I'll feel deprived and then want to eat EVERYTHING. Today I ate more sugar than I have been eating on a daily basis, but hey, it was my first day back teaching I needed it!

As I'm winding down to go to bed, I'm still satisfied: not too full, not too hungry. Smaller meals WORK!

lazy, healthy snacks

Since this is now aptly titled "the lazy girl's guide to getting healthy," I figured it was time I shared some of my low-maintenance yet healthy snacks.

Before I get into these "snacks," I should probably clarify that my definition of a snack is anything that doesn't require intensive cooking. Therefore, many of these "snacks" end up being my meals. Now that I'm back at work (I'm a teacher) I tend to eat many smaller meals throughout the day rather than three big meals. This is actually healthier than the three meals a day model many of us grew up with, but being on the go constantly, it's just practical for me when I teach.

To be honest...I cook an actual meal maybe twice a week (eek! I know). The rest of my meals are more snack-like or eaten out (healthy options of course).

Here are my lazy, healthy snacks:

• Yogurt (goat) w/ berries and GF granola 

• Hard boiled eggs 

• Almonds

• GF crackers and hummus

• Cheese and salami/turkey/ham (okay I know these aren't super healthy foods, but I don't eat this that often and I buy minimally processed cheese and meat)

• Tuna w/ mayo, pickles and GF crackers (again, mayo isn't healthy but I get low fat mayo and don't eat it that often)
  
• Seaweed
  
• Fruit leathers
  
• Pickles (I've had an obsession with pickles my entire life. Don't judge)
  
• Apple w/ peanut butter
  
  If there any other "lazy" snacks that you suggest please let me know! I'm always looking for lazy ways to eat healthy :)
  

what I ate Wednesday #2

Breakfast: two slices gluten-free toast w/PB and jelly, two cups of coffee
Lunch: two slices of havarti cheese, roasted turkey, two pickles, and a bowl of canteloupe
Dinner: steak salad from Chipotle (lettuce, rice, black beans, steak, pico de gallo, corn), tortilla chips and guacamole
Snack: gummi bears

Workout: none

Two notes:
1. I try not to drink my calories, with the exception of wine. I drink my coffee black (I actually prefer it this way) and don't sweeten my tea (hot or iced), so when I note what I drank during the day, I don't factor in calories (except wine) because black coffee and tea have very small amounts.

2. While I am lactose intolerant, lately I have been experimenting with hard cheese (in small amounts) and have been okay. It's not something that I consume on a regular basis, but today I wasn't very hungry around lunch time and was just craving some cold cuts.

what I ate Wednesday #1

I don't want to post what I eat everyday because that would not only be boring but laborious, but I do find it helpful when other bloggers post a random sampling of their diet to get a general idea of what they eat.

Here is my commitment to post what I eat every Wednesday, for better or for worse.

Yesterday, my friends, was unfortunately for worse.

Here's what I ate:
Breakfast: two chocolate chip cookies (home-baked GF), oatmeal, coffee
Lunch: Fruit smoothie (goat milk yogurt, OJ, strawberries, peaches, pineapple, flax seeds), hummus and GF crackers
Dinner: Handful of chips & salsa, three carne asada soft tacos (one tortilla each) w/ pico de gallo, side of rice and refried beans, mojito
Snack: GF beer and handful of tortilla chips w/spinach artichoke dip

Workout: 45 minute hike

So I know you're thinking "You're eating like this and expecting to lose more weight?!?" On a normal day, I'm not. This is why I think a set day a week is good to show what I eat because I absolutely do not believe in depriving myself and for the most part, I do eat pretty healthfully. The cookies in the morning were impulsive because I had just baked them the night before and they were sitting next to the coffee maker. I promptly bagged them up and put them in the pantry to get them out of my sight, and I haven't had any since.

Looking back at this list of food, I realize it's actually not all that bad, but something went terribly, terribly wrong leading me to wake up with horrible stomach pain and the oh-so-familiar feeling of needing to throw up. Right after I did I felt much better, but my stomach has still been really off all day.

I've been racking my brain to figure out where I went wrong, because six months ago I was throwing up from a combination of GERD and an unrealized gluten allergy on a weekly basis and it was HORRIBLE. I literally had to leave class while teaching a couple of times to throw up in the bathroom, and since I have stopped eating gluten I haven't thrown up once.

Flashback to last night, and I know I didn't eat gluten, but I did eat late at night because we grabbed some drinks with friends and I needed to eat a bit in order to be able to drive later.

This is all I can think of and it's frustrating because my body is just so damn sensitive. Just when I think I'm doing right by my stomach, something like this happens and I'm back to feeling like I'm screwed no matter what I eat.

All I have had today is oatmeal, hot green tea, a few GF crackers, and corn pasta w/ daiya (dairy and soy free) cheese because I don't think I can stomach anything else. Hopefully I'm back to normal tomorrow, and we'll see what I end up eating next Wednesday.

i'm back and for good

Let's cut to the chase: I haven't been blogging because I convinced myself that it was yet another pointless project that no one wants to read and I was doing fine (health-wise) without it.

Yes, I have been doing okay health-wise, and am officially ten pounds lighter than when I first started this journey in the spring, but this isn't a pointless project.

Case in point: I had been contemplating baking cookies tonight when I started reading some of my favorite fitness blogs. After ten minutes of looking at some before and after pictures, I made the firm decision to not bake cookies because I would have ended up eating most of them anyway, let's be honest. I have lost ten pounds and am feeling better than I have in a couple of years, so why would I need to eat an entire batch of (gluten-free of course) cookies?!

The point is, I am doing okay health-wise, but I still can be doing better. Reading fitness blogs motivates me, as does tracking my own obstacles/progress/journey. It shouldn't matter if people read this or judge me because this is about doing all that I can in order to be my healthiest self.

Where I am currently:

I'm ten pounds lighter than at my heaviest, but I feel like I've lost almost double that. There are two reasons for this:
1. Eating gluten made me constantly bloated and feeling heavy.
2. I have been working out more and have gained some muscle back. There is nothing that makes me feel fitter than seeing muscles, even if there is still some fat around them :)

Because I'm on summer break, I haven't had a consistent schedule. This has been both good and bad. Good because I am eating less in each sitting since I don't have to rush my meals (mainly lunch). Bad because I haven't been forced to plan meals in advance and I tend to gravitate toward snacking (or baking cookies, like mentioned above) when I'm bored.

Eating gluten-free is second nature to me now. I have found some amazing GF substitutes which I will share later. Even when I crave a regular pizza, or fresh baked bread (my cryptonite) my brain immediately goes to the pain that I would feel if I indulged in that craving, and then the craving goes away.

I am struggling with eating later than I should, mostly because I do have more free time and my brain has somehow equated free time with eating. Tonight I bypassed baking cookies and instead had some pineapple and a glass of wine (hey, it's fruit). Ideally I will only have fruit (or wine--again FRUIT) after 8 pm, mostly because eating late isn't good for my GERD.

So that's my story, real or imagined readers, and I WILL be updating regularly, if only to keep myself on track. 

back from the dead

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last wrote. Yes, I've been a little lazy, but my lack of writing is due to moving at the end of April. Ready for a fun fact? I have lived in TEN different houses in SIX years. And that's not counting leaving the state twice for a few months at a time.

By now you'd think I have few possessions in order to expedite all of my moves. Wrong. I have a lot. of. stuff. (Mostly in the form of books and abandoned craft projects). This time I moved 25 minutes away, so the moving process took even longer.

Anyway, my entire schedule has been thrown off. I have to wake up earlier in order to leave earlier so that I can avoid rush-hour traffic. I also have to leave work earlier than I used to (to avoid traffic) which has lead to me having more work to do at home. Just before moving I had established a good routine of finishing all of my work at work, then coming home and just being able to relax.

Over the last few months, I have really learned the importance of meal planning at the beginning of the week. Sadly my move has thrown this off as well. The first week after moving, we ate out almost every night because we were still un-packing. Then suddenly we found ourselves broke from having to buy a bunch of stuff for the house. We've been trying to spend as little as possible, so we have been mostly snacking around dinner time.

The only exception to this is my new favorite food: rice pasta. I LOVE pasta, so when I realized that I can't eat gluten I mourned the loss of a favorite food. I had heard of gluten-free alternatives, but figured they weren't good for some reasons. Luckily, I tried rice pasta and I honestly can't taste a difference.

Eating gluten-free has been very challenging because it's incredibly hard to eat out. It's hard to even find a snack when I'm out around because quickly made foods tend to have gluten (or dairy, which I also can't eat). This had led me to eating less than I should on some days, which inevitably leads to over-eating later.

The other challenge is making cooking interesting because I am quite limited in what I can cook. Not only can I not eat gluten, I also can't eat dairy (goat milk is okay though) or soy. I also don't know how to cook meat or fish with the exception of meatballs (I clearly love my pasta). Basically, I'm limited to fruits and vegetables. I love them, but it gets old eating salads and fruit.

One recipe that I have been making on an almost-weekly basis is the quinoa burger. I make a bunch at once and eat the rest for leftovers during the week. I like them plain, or with some avocado or Greek yogurt on top. Sadly, I can't eat Greek yogurt even with after taking a Lactaid pill, so I have been dipping the patties in...ranch dressing. Not very healthy, I know, but a girl's gotta have some food vices since most of mine have been robbed from me.

My health focus right now is exercise. I have been exercising more lately, because I have a weekly softball and I now have a dog that I like to walk, but it's not enough. Last week I actually stepped foot in my gym for the first time in months, and it felt so good that I found myself wondering why I haven't been going in the first place. Then I get home from work and feel so exhausted that I remember why getting myself to go to the gym is a challenge.

What is going to help this is that school ends in two weeks. I thought having the same schedule everyday would help me get in an exercise pattern, but I underestimated how tired my job would make me. Now I'm excited to have some time off to get back into the habit so that when school starts again working out will be second nature again.

blessing in disguise

Ugh, I am so far behind in blogging! Not because I don't want to, but because I don't have a consistent internet connection in my apartment (because I "borrow" it from an unknowing neighbor...) and I can't access blogs at work.

First things first: I have lost a few pounds and I feel pretty good!

After two weeks ago when I ate like crap and felt close to throwing in the towel, I got back to planning, planning, planning. I spent that next Sunday grocery shopping my butt off, and planned a ton of healthy meals for the entire week. It's incredible how important this step is in developing a healthier lifestyle.

Through this meal planning, I have remembered how much I love salads. I have always been a big fan of salads, but I have had a mental block in making them because I "think" they take too much prep. WRONG. I made two salads for lunch this week and it took me less than five minutes. All that was in them were lettuce, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, avocado, and turkey. My dressing was a homemade vinaigrette with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and lemon peel.

Salads bring me to my next topic: Gluten. Because I was tested for celiac disease a few years ago (which was negative), I never thought to further explore how I react to gluten. Turns out, I'm slightly/moderately gluten intolerant (for those of you keeping count, that now makes me gluten, soy, and dairy intolerant).

Before I cut out gluten, I thought it was normal for my stomach to stick out after eating. Not stick out from being full or fat, but my stomach has always protruded out a bit after eating. Now I realize that's called being bloated, and gluten makes me quite bloated. Since eliminating it from my diet, my stomach is much flatter after meals and I just feel all around lighter. It's hard to explain, but it feels like I've lost at least ten pounds just from not being bloated all day.

Now I haven't eliminated gluten from my diet 100%. I don't think that's realistic for me. However, I have eliminated about 90% of it from my diet, which I think it a good percentage for me. In the past month, I have had one piece of bread, whereas I usually ate bread on a daily basis. Instead of eating sandwiches for lunch, I have leftovers from dinner, or a salad.

The best swap I have made has to be at Subway. Subway is literally the only somewhat healthy place to eat within an eight mile radius of my work. On days that I don't bring a lunch, I usually go there. I have started ordering turkey salads instead, and because you can add as many veggies as you'd like, they fill me up as much as one of the sandwiches normally would.

I have realized that I'm thankful for all of the stomach pain I was in a couple of months ago because that was my big wake-up call to get my diet on track. It has led me to being so much more conscious of what I put in my body. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to be gluten/dairy/soy intolerant, but at least I have figured this out.

Morale of the story: never underestimate the blessings that may come from bad situations!

practicing

It has been awhile since I last wrote, and not surprisingly, I haven't been eating as well as I was. One of the biggest reasons I started this blog was to have something to keep me accountable for my change in diet, as well as to get inspiration and support from others. Not surprisingly, I also haven't been reading my favorite inspirational blogs on a daily basis. These really help me stay in check.

Why the change? Complacency, I guess. I felt really good last week. I felt lighter and healthier. But I was also on spring break so I was able to take the time to prepare healthy meals and snacks. Now that I'm back at work, it's a little harder stay focused. I have been giving in to cravings. More specifically, I have been giving in to sugar. Fucking sugar. Excuse my language, but I fucking hate that shit. There are NO benefits whatsoever to eating it. It makes me feel gross and I regret eating it almost instantaneously after I do. It's a drug, really. And I'm an addict.

I am hereby vowing to eliminate it from my diet again. DID YOU HEAR THAT, FRUIT SNACKS IN MY CLASSROOM (which are for the students anyway)? DID YOU HEAR THAT, BAKED GOODS? Our relationship is destructive, and I need to be free from you. 

Aside from sugar, and that angry rant, I am doing pretty well. I have been good at eliminating gluten from my diet, and eating more fruit and vegetables. I have also gotten into the habit of not only cooking, but washing the dishes. I typically let the dishes stack up until I can't take it anymore, but this is just one more habit that adds to my stress and frustration.

checking in

My two week "cleanse" is over. So how did I do? Okay.

The first week, sans the bridal shower brunch, I stuck to all of the rules I made for myself. The second week, I started to eat sugar again only because I had a little bit last Sunday and it activated my craving for it. If I stay away from it completely, I'm okay. When I don't, want it all the time.

Yesterday was Easter, and for the first time in years I got an Easter basket (well it was for both Kyle and I) and I only had ONE Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Egg (normally I scarf these down), a small amount of M & M's and Jelly Beans. I felt proud of myself for not eating as much Easter candy as I usually do.

For dinner last night, I made a pizza with all of my favorite veggies and antipasta toppings. It was DELICIOUS, and I did eat a little more than I needed to. I had the leftovers for lunch today, and it kind of hurt my stomach. The only dairy that was on there was goat cheese, which doesn't normally bother me. I'm thinking it might have been the gluten? I just felt weighed down and my stomach was unsettled for hours after eating it. I have avoided gluten for the most part during these past two weeks, so maybe this was too much? I really really hope I have not developed a gluten intolerance, because that would be added to my list of dairy and soy intolerance, which is already difficult to stick to.

Anyway, I have learned two major things from this cleanse:
1. Cooking at home saves a lot of money.
2. All cooking at home requires is a chunk of time at the beginning of the week to plan out meals & grocery shop.

Even though I felt like I spent a lot at the grocery store buying stuff to cook, I only ate out twice in the two weeks and I spent way less on food than I usually do. Which led me to reconsider how much of my paycheck on food. Verdict: too much. Because I have had an actual paycheck since September, I have been less budget-conscious when it comes to food. Before I started earning a decent wage, I was so used to eating whatever and whenever I could because I was so broke. I think not being so broke has led me to feel like I can sort of celebrate this by spending whatever I need to in order to feed myself. Suffice to say, it's time to tighten the purse strings a little, and cooking at home is definitely a key to achieving this.

sugar woes

I was doing just fine without sugar until I had some on Sunday. It started with a chocolate covered strawberry at the bridal shower, and just that little bit of chocolate set me off. Then a couple days later, I decided that it was okay to dive into the goodie bag from the shower.

You can see where this is going.

Yesterday night, after eating three healthy meals, I decided it was okay to finish the Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans I had stashed away. Then today at work, I felt sick. I felt nauseous. I have felt nauseous even to the point of throwing up at work dozens of times this year. For a hot second I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not nor have I ever been. Something that I do to my body causes me to throw up. It makes me sad to think that I am the sole cause of my pain. It's pathetic really.

Even though I am still eating very healthy meals, it's sugary snacks that I crave. I have been able to abstain from sugar completely for months at a time before, and it is only after a lot of time after not eating sugar that I can eat it normally. Once I cross the line of eating more than I should though, there's no turning back.

I can't keep doing this to myself, no matter how good sugar tastes.

half way

Yesterday was my friend's bridal shower, so I anticipated not eating as well as I have been. It was a brunch buffet, which is basically one of my favorite things ever. I had fruit, cheesy...potatoes (they looked too good to resist), eggs, two slices of bacon, one piece of french toast, a slice of ham, and a chocolate covered strawberry. I just realized that sounds like a ton of food, but I stuck to decent-sized portions. Yes, I could have said no to either the french toast and/or the cheesy potatoes, but...when in Rome. The mimosas were easy to say no to because champagne makes me sick on contact. Something about the carbonation and my stomach does not mix, so I stuck to unsweetened iced tea.

Unfortunately, my stomach felt a little funky for the rest of the afternoon. Meaning: my body is rejecting bad-for-me food. This is good news, I guess, but my inner fat kid is mourning over the loss of fatty foods. For dinner, I just had some chips and salsa and a little bit of carne asada at a friend's house and then sliced cucumbers when I got home because I wasn't very hungry.

Then of course, my stomach hurt this morning. It was a combination of being bloated and in pain. I'm not sure exactly what caused it, especially since I didn't eat much later in the day. It went away by the time I left for work, and I was fine the rest of the day.

I ate well at work, but by the time I got home, I was ravenous. I seem to not eat enough during the day which makes me overeat at dinner time. Does anyone else experience this? I feel satiated at work, then I come home and I become so hungry.

While preparing (a healthy) dinner tonight, I grazed the whole time. Since I was in "stuff my face" mode, I ate my dinner too quickly, which leaves me feeling unsatisfied and wanting more. I must admit, I just ate the salt water taffy that was in my little goody bag. Definitely NOT a clean food. Ergh. Just goes to show that once I feel unsatisfied and in manic eat mode, I want more than I need. 

Take-aways from the last two days:
1. It's easier than I thought to eat healthy at social events.
2. I need to eat my meals slower.
3. I need to feel more full during the day so I don't over-eat at night.

day six

I must confess: I cheated yesterday. But it's really minor, and it was a learning opportunity, so it really doesn't count.

By Thursday, the end of the week had gotten to me, and I had lost enthusiasm for cooking and preparing meals ahead of time. I relied on leftovers and salads to tide me over, but they definitely weren't as fulfilling as fresh meals.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon I started craving fruit snacks. I keep a huge stash in my classroom as bribes rewards for the kids, and just knowing they are within arms reach makes me crave them from time to time. After a couple of hours, it wouldn't go away, so I gave in.

I had one little tiny bag and it hurt my stomach immediately. It was like I had just eaten poison. I couldn't believe that just five days into avoiding processed sugar and foods my stomach was rejecting it so quickly. Then I realized, that what I had just eaten was essentially poison. Eventually all of the processed foods that we eat have negative effects on our bodies.

The pain went away after twenty minutes or so. I was glad that I felt that pain only because it reminded me how fragile my body is and that I need to treat it as such.

Tomorrow I'm going to a bridal shower, and while I intend to stick to my plan as much as possible, I realize it may not be completely feasible since we will be at a pretty nice restaurant and I don't want to be fussy. And I'm American; I can't say no to free food.

day four

I don't know about this cleanse business. First of all, I'm really really impatient. As in, I get pissed off if I feel someone is walking too slowly. Don't even get me started on slow drivers and slow talkers.

So four days in of clean eating, I thought I'd be feeling pretty fantastic. I've been eating super healthy and I don't feel much different. In fact, I've been rather bloated and after not eating that much yesterday, I went to bed with an upset stomach.

Today, I felt full/bloated after having (a small portion of) oatmeal for breakfast, and a salad and apple for lunch. It was annoying, to say the least. Then I decided that I should give up and get Taco Bell for dinner, only there is no Taco Bell on my way home from work and luckily I'm too lazy to drive out of my way for even Taco Bell.

So I did the next best thing: ate a few pickles, and made black bean soup. Sorta the same thing. I stuck to the cleanse, but definitely ate more than I was actually hungry for just because I was frustrated.

I'm sure you're going to all say patience, patience, patience, but what if this doesn't help me feel better in any way? What if I'm eternally screwed internally? Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

technical difficulties

This title pertains to quite a few topics. First, this damn blog is annoying me. I'm trying to add some features to it, but I can't figure out how to. Rather, I've figured it out, but they're not showing up. I'm not trying to make it look professional, just slightly better than a fifteen year old's blog about her love for Justin Bieber.

Secondly, the hot water heater in my apartment is kaput. As in: it has flooded some of my carpet and has leaked into the carport (where I park my car), directly under me. In order to stop the leaking before they replace it, my hot water has been turned off. Meaning, I can't do dishes. Meaning I couldn't make the soup I was planning to tonight. I mean I could, but since the sink needs to be pulled out tomorrow in order to replace the hot water heater, I don't want to leave any dishes behind. So it's 7:40 pm and I still haven't had dinner because I'm not sure what to eat.

Lastly, I'm three days into my "cleanse" and I'm having funky...you know. I'm usually quite normal, and thought that this fiber-rich diet I'm on wouldn't change anything. False. I will spare you the details except for the fact that it's just one more thing that is annoying me.

So far, so good on eating healthy. Even though I wasn't very hungry on Monday, I was ravenous yesterday. I snacked and snacked because I couldn't fill up. Luckily, I kept it to healthy snacks. Today my stomach hurt a bit after I snacked on almonds and a banana. Random. I'm pretty sure I'm not banana or almond intolerant, if that exists.

Which leads me to another source of frustration: will I ever feel better? I've been eating really well for three days, and much much better for the past couple of weeks. It doesn't seem there is any rhyme or reason to what makes me feel icky these days. If you haven't noticed, I'm not very patient. Three days into a cleanse and I expect physical miracles and the absence of any physical discomfort. I'm just antsy to see if there are any changes in my body after these two weeks.

Three down, dfjakdjlda to go. (I'm not good at math and don't feel like trying to subtract right now).

day 1

I'd like to put what I have eaten today out there, for good karma or something:

Breakfast- fruit smoothie with protein powder (spinach, banana, OJ, strawberries, and blueberries)
Lunch- the apple oat bars I made yesterday & grapes
Snack- the apple oat bars, two pickles, and half a banana
Dinner- Honey lime shrimp, brown rice, and broccoli

You're probably wondering why I ate such a small and weird lunch followed by small and weird snacks. Here's your answer: Utah. You see, Utah likes to torture children and teachers by starting school at the ungodly time of 7:30 am. Therefore, my lunch is at 10:33 am. TEN THIRTY A.M. DOES NOT A LUNCHTIME MAKE.

So, I'm not always hungry when "lunch" time rolls around, and apparently the smoothie I made was rather filling. By the time I got home from work and a doctor's appointment, I was starving. My normal fix for this would be to graze on whatever random snacks are in my cabinet. (Obviously I still did this, given the oat bar, banana, and pickle combination). I had to really focus on eating a snack that wasn't processed or sugary.

Then I prepared dinner. And I think I have realized that maybe I'm not the best cook in the world. I'm a good baker, that I know, but cook? It's debatable. I grew up cooking, because I come from a family of good cooks and I often made dinner for my family when my mom was sick, so I've always figured that I am a fine and dandy cook.

For starters, the apple oat bars I made yesterday are good, but they don't look like the damn picture. They are definitely more crumbly than they should be. Then the damn shrimp. They also don't look like the stupid picture, and they didn't taste all juicy and flavorful like shrimp should. But I followed all of the directions. To a freaking T. Can I blame the altitude?

Anyway, after dinner all I could think about what eating something sugary. I looked at the jelly beans that I threw on top of my cabinet and contemplating grabbing a stool so I could grab them (because I'm actually too lazy to go through the trouble of getting a stool to stand on top of, I put junk food on top of the cabinet where I know it'll be safe). I decided against it, then thought about the dark chocolate covered blueberries and almonds that I haven't touched since the day I made them. Then, like Amy Winehouse, I said no, no, no. If I've managed to adapt this unhealthy habit of grazing, I can certainly break it as well. Right? Right.

adapting new routines

Since I started teaching in the fall, my Sundays have become a routine of sorts: sleep in, clean a bit, watch tv, maybe go grocery shopping, nap on the couch with the TV on, clean a bit more, watch my Sunday night shows while grading/lesson planning.

REAL healthy, right?

Not so much.

While I do need down-time on the weekends, as well as lots of sleep, I have been wasting my weekends on the couch. I'm not sure when this started, because I used to be constantly on the go between working out, doing work in coffee shops, and hanging out with friends. Now all that appeals to me is hibernating until Monday morning. On one hand, this is understandable since I'm getting older and my job takes a lot out of me. However, lying around all weekend doesn't feel good. And I'm sick of not feeling good and healthy.

After talking with a friend last week about things that have helped her get healthy, I realized that I needed to spruce up my Sunday routine.

I was able to wake up by 9:30 this morning (yes, this is still sleeping in from my normal 5:30 wake up time, but I cannot reiterate how much sleep I need!), relax with the boyfriend for a bit, and then compile recipes for meals this week.

I don't love cooking, especially when I'm tired, but the only way to eat healthy and on a budget is to cook. I'm trying to get over it.

I stocked up on a lot of produce and other staples for this week's recipes. Then I made some lentils and barley for dinner and for lunch tomorrow. It was a very simple dish, but I love the heartiness of it.

After dinner, I decided to make these apple peanut butter snack bars from the blog "Happy Healthy Mama." They were easy to make and pretty darn good for such few ingredients.

Now I have healthy snack bars for the week, as well as all of my dinners planned out.

I must say, feeling prepared feels good. I get prepared for the week in every other aspect of my life, so why shouldn't I for what I'm going to put into my body?

It's funny how quick I am to put my all into my job and other daily duties, but how reluctant I am to really take care of myself. I think we all reach a point of realization in which it becomes quite clear that without taking care of ourselves, everything else suffers. Just ask my poor students, who have had a sub five times this year because I have been out with stomach issues. That's five days of chaos that I had to come back to, adding even more stress to my life!

Tomorrow I'm starting my two week challenge of no gluten, dairy, processed sugar, processed foods, alcohol, or coffee. I think the hardest part is going to be processed sugar...to say I'm addicted to sugar would be an understatement. Fortunately, I feel very ready to take on this challenge and start making some serious changes in my life. Wish me luck!

the rules

For starters, I am challenging myself to blog on my progress, frustrations, and accomplishments every day. Even if it's a paragraph. I like feeling accountable to something, and blogging seems to be more enticing than journaling.

Secondly, I am adapting a "clean foods" diet for at least two weeks. This isn't a gimmicky cleanse, but my approach to cutting out processed and unhealthy foods. Dairy is a must to cut out because I'm lactose intolerant, but I don't always avoid dairy like I should. I'm going to try gluten because it's another common allergen.

Have you tried any "cleanses" or "detox" diets before? How did they go?

new beginnings

Almost three years ago, I started grad school. Returning to school after three years was difficult for me, and I found it hard to sit still and study. So I snacked. And snacked. And became more stressed out. And snacked more. And started working out less. Then I found myself twenty pounds heavier.

Though I am finished with school, I have had a hard time going back to the healthy lifestyle I had pre-grad school. I always find myself making excuses, like "I'm stressed, so it's okay for me to eat (an entire bag of _____________)." Or: "I'll start working out after this busy period." Or: "As soon as ____________ is over, I'll start eating healthy again." I'm tired of making excuses.

My realization that excuses were getting me nowhere came when my younger brother, who has been overweight his entire life, lost forty pounds. He has always been fat. When I was a vegetarian, he incessantly made fun of me for giving up meat. He worshiped meat. He worshiped food. And he hated exercising. Then being between jobs and on a tight budget led him to eating less. He lost a few pounds and then realized he liked losing weight. So then he gave up meat Monday-Friday. He started running. For fun. Before I knew it, my formerly fat brother was exercising more than I.

To top it all off, I posted on facebook awhile ago that I was having issues with my acid reflux, and he commented: "Lose weight. Mine (acid reflux) is almost completely gone now." I cried when I read that. I made fun of him our entire childhood for being fat and never exercising, and now he was telling me that I needed to lose weight. He was right.

Since that post a few months ago, my acid reflux has only worsened. It has caused severe stomach pains and bloating that have kept me from going to work quite a few times. I have spent hundreds of dollars going to doctors to figure out what the pains are. All I've heard is: manage my acid reflux. No doctor has directly told me to lose weight, (I'm not all that large, but I'm definitely not at a healthy weight for my size and frame)but they have suggested that "there are ways to manage acid reflux."

The acid reflux aside, I don't feel healthy. My skin has been a mess lately, even after surviving my teenage years with a perfect complexion. I feel puffy and sluggish. And I have been chronically tired for about...three years now. I think I'm just realizing that I have been tired for exactly as long as I have been carrying this extra weight. I haven't felt fully rested in years and I'm sick of it.

I convinced my boyfriend to watch the documentary "Forks Over Knives" with me last week and it was yet another wake-up call for me, and surprisingly for him as well. He is a stereotypical American when it comes to food. He was raised on processed food, and won't willingly touch a vegetable. Before we started dating, his idea of a nice dinner out was at Chili's. Luckily, he is open to new things, and he has developed a love for sushi and even some vegetables. But like me, he has slowly been realizing he is not healthy. He's not overweight unhealthy, but probably high cholesterol, clogged arteries unhealthy.

Long story short, the documentary convinced him that he needs to start eating healthier, including lessening the amount of animal products he consumes. With his support, I finally feel like I am ready to conquer getting back on track.