new beginnings

Almost three years ago, I started grad school. Returning to school after three years was difficult for me, and I found it hard to sit still and study. So I snacked. And snacked. And became more stressed out. And snacked more. And started working out less. Then I found myself twenty pounds heavier.

Though I am finished with school, I have had a hard time going back to the healthy lifestyle I had pre-grad school. I always find myself making excuses, like "I'm stressed, so it's okay for me to eat (an entire bag of _____________)." Or: "I'll start working out after this busy period." Or: "As soon as ____________ is over, I'll start eating healthy again." I'm tired of making excuses.

My realization that excuses were getting me nowhere came when my younger brother, who has been overweight his entire life, lost forty pounds. He has always been fat. When I was a vegetarian, he incessantly made fun of me for giving up meat. He worshiped meat. He worshiped food. And he hated exercising. Then being between jobs and on a tight budget led him to eating less. He lost a few pounds and then realized he liked losing weight. So then he gave up meat Monday-Friday. He started running. For fun. Before I knew it, my formerly fat brother was exercising more than I.

To top it all off, I posted on facebook awhile ago that I was having issues with my acid reflux, and he commented: "Lose weight. Mine (acid reflux) is almost completely gone now." I cried when I read that. I made fun of him our entire childhood for being fat and never exercising, and now he was telling me that I needed to lose weight. He was right.

Since that post a few months ago, my acid reflux has only worsened. It has caused severe stomach pains and bloating that have kept me from going to work quite a few times. I have spent hundreds of dollars going to doctors to figure out what the pains are. All I've heard is: manage my acid reflux. No doctor has directly told me to lose weight, (I'm not all that large, but I'm definitely not at a healthy weight for my size and frame)but they have suggested that "there are ways to manage acid reflux."

The acid reflux aside, I don't feel healthy. My skin has been a mess lately, even after surviving my teenage years with a perfect complexion. I feel puffy and sluggish. And I have been chronically tired for about...three years now. I think I'm just realizing that I have been tired for exactly as long as I have been carrying this extra weight. I haven't felt fully rested in years and I'm sick of it.

I convinced my boyfriend to watch the documentary "Forks Over Knives" with me last week and it was yet another wake-up call for me, and surprisingly for him as well. He is a stereotypical American when it comes to food. He was raised on processed food, and won't willingly touch a vegetable. Before we started dating, his idea of a nice dinner out was at Chili's. Luckily, he is open to new things, and he has developed a love for sushi and even some vegetables. But like me, he has slowly been realizing he is not healthy. He's not overweight unhealthy, but probably high cholesterol, clogged arteries unhealthy.

Long story short, the documentary convinced him that he needs to start eating healthier, including lessening the amount of animal products he consumes. With his support, I finally feel like I am ready to conquer getting back on track.