back from the dead

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last wrote. Yes, I've been a little lazy, but my lack of writing is due to moving at the end of April. Ready for a fun fact? I have lived in TEN different houses in SIX years. And that's not counting leaving the state twice for a few months at a time.

By now you'd think I have few possessions in order to expedite all of my moves. Wrong. I have a lot. of. stuff. (Mostly in the form of books and abandoned craft projects). This time I moved 25 minutes away, so the moving process took even longer.

Anyway, my entire schedule has been thrown off. I have to wake up earlier in order to leave earlier so that I can avoid rush-hour traffic. I also have to leave work earlier than I used to (to avoid traffic) which has lead to me having more work to do at home. Just before moving I had established a good routine of finishing all of my work at work, then coming home and just being able to relax.

Over the last few months, I have really learned the importance of meal planning at the beginning of the week. Sadly my move has thrown this off as well. The first week after moving, we ate out almost every night because we were still un-packing. Then suddenly we found ourselves broke from having to buy a bunch of stuff for the house. We've been trying to spend as little as possible, so we have been mostly snacking around dinner time.

The only exception to this is my new favorite food: rice pasta. I LOVE pasta, so when I realized that I can't eat gluten I mourned the loss of a favorite food. I had heard of gluten-free alternatives, but figured they weren't good for some reasons. Luckily, I tried rice pasta and I honestly can't taste a difference.

Eating gluten-free has been very challenging because it's incredibly hard to eat out. It's hard to even find a snack when I'm out around because quickly made foods tend to have gluten (or dairy, which I also can't eat). This had led me to eating less than I should on some days, which inevitably leads to over-eating later.

The other challenge is making cooking interesting because I am quite limited in what I can cook. Not only can I not eat gluten, I also can't eat dairy (goat milk is okay though) or soy. I also don't know how to cook meat or fish with the exception of meatballs (I clearly love my pasta). Basically, I'm limited to fruits and vegetables. I love them, but it gets old eating salads and fruit.

One recipe that I have been making on an almost-weekly basis is the quinoa burger. I make a bunch at once and eat the rest for leftovers during the week. I like them plain, or with some avocado or Greek yogurt on top. Sadly, I can't eat Greek yogurt even with after taking a Lactaid pill, so I have been dipping the patties in...ranch dressing. Not very healthy, I know, but a girl's gotta have some food vices since most of mine have been robbed from me.

My health focus right now is exercise. I have been exercising more lately, because I have a weekly softball and I now have a dog that I like to walk, but it's not enough. Last week I actually stepped foot in my gym for the first time in months, and it felt so good that I found myself wondering why I haven't been going in the first place. Then I get home from work and feel so exhausted that I remember why getting myself to go to the gym is a challenge.

What is going to help this is that school ends in two weeks. I thought having the same schedule everyday would help me get in an exercise pattern, but I underestimated how tired my job would make me. Now I'm excited to have some time off to get back into the habit so that when school starts again working out will be second nature again.

blessing in disguise

Ugh, I am so far behind in blogging! Not because I don't want to, but because I don't have a consistent internet connection in my apartment (because I "borrow" it from an unknowing neighbor...) and I can't access blogs at work.

First things first: I have lost a few pounds and I feel pretty good!

After two weeks ago when I ate like crap and felt close to throwing in the towel, I got back to planning, planning, planning. I spent that next Sunday grocery shopping my butt off, and planned a ton of healthy meals for the entire week. It's incredible how important this step is in developing a healthier lifestyle.

Through this meal planning, I have remembered how much I love salads. I have always been a big fan of salads, but I have had a mental block in making them because I "think" they take too much prep. WRONG. I made two salads for lunch this week and it took me less than five minutes. All that was in them were lettuce, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, avocado, and turkey. My dressing was a homemade vinaigrette with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and lemon peel.

Salads bring me to my next topic: Gluten. Because I was tested for celiac disease a few years ago (which was negative), I never thought to further explore how I react to gluten. Turns out, I'm slightly/moderately gluten intolerant (for those of you keeping count, that now makes me gluten, soy, and dairy intolerant).

Before I cut out gluten, I thought it was normal for my stomach to stick out after eating. Not stick out from being full or fat, but my stomach has always protruded out a bit after eating. Now I realize that's called being bloated, and gluten makes me quite bloated. Since eliminating it from my diet, my stomach is much flatter after meals and I just feel all around lighter. It's hard to explain, but it feels like I've lost at least ten pounds just from not being bloated all day.

Now I haven't eliminated gluten from my diet 100%. I don't think that's realistic for me. However, I have eliminated about 90% of it from my diet, which I think it a good percentage for me. In the past month, I have had one piece of bread, whereas I usually ate bread on a daily basis. Instead of eating sandwiches for lunch, I have leftovers from dinner, or a salad.

The best swap I have made has to be at Subway. Subway is literally the only somewhat healthy place to eat within an eight mile radius of my work. On days that I don't bring a lunch, I usually go there. I have started ordering turkey salads instead, and because you can add as many veggies as you'd like, they fill me up as much as one of the sandwiches normally would.

I have realized that I'm thankful for all of the stomach pain I was in a couple of months ago because that was my big wake-up call to get my diet on track. It has led me to being so much more conscious of what I put in my body. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to be gluten/dairy/soy intolerant, but at least I have figured this out.

Morale of the story: never underestimate the blessings that may come from bad situations!

practicing

It has been awhile since I last wrote, and not surprisingly, I haven't been eating as well as I was. One of the biggest reasons I started this blog was to have something to keep me accountable for my change in diet, as well as to get inspiration and support from others. Not surprisingly, I also haven't been reading my favorite inspirational blogs on a daily basis. These really help me stay in check.

Why the change? Complacency, I guess. I felt really good last week. I felt lighter and healthier. But I was also on spring break so I was able to take the time to prepare healthy meals and snacks. Now that I'm back at work, it's a little harder stay focused. I have been giving in to cravings. More specifically, I have been giving in to sugar. Fucking sugar. Excuse my language, but I fucking hate that shit. There are NO benefits whatsoever to eating it. It makes me feel gross and I regret eating it almost instantaneously after I do. It's a drug, really. And I'm an addict.

I am hereby vowing to eliminate it from my diet again. DID YOU HEAR THAT, FRUIT SNACKS IN MY CLASSROOM (which are for the students anyway)? DID YOU HEAR THAT, BAKED GOODS? Our relationship is destructive, and I need to be free from you. 

Aside from sugar, and that angry rant, I am doing pretty well. I have been good at eliminating gluten from my diet, and eating more fruit and vegetables. I have also gotten into the habit of not only cooking, but washing the dishes. I typically let the dishes stack up until I can't take it anymore, but this is just one more habit that adds to my stress and frustration.

checking in

My two week "cleanse" is over. So how did I do? Okay.

The first week, sans the bridal shower brunch, I stuck to all of the rules I made for myself. The second week, I started to eat sugar again only because I had a little bit last Sunday and it activated my craving for it. If I stay away from it completely, I'm okay. When I don't, want it all the time.

Yesterday was Easter, and for the first time in years I got an Easter basket (well it was for both Kyle and I) and I only had ONE Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Egg (normally I scarf these down), a small amount of M & M's and Jelly Beans. I felt proud of myself for not eating as much Easter candy as I usually do.

For dinner last night, I made a pizza with all of my favorite veggies and antipasta toppings. It was DELICIOUS, and I did eat a little more than I needed to. I had the leftovers for lunch today, and it kind of hurt my stomach. The only dairy that was on there was goat cheese, which doesn't normally bother me. I'm thinking it might have been the gluten? I just felt weighed down and my stomach was unsettled for hours after eating it. I have avoided gluten for the most part during these past two weeks, so maybe this was too much? I really really hope I have not developed a gluten intolerance, because that would be added to my list of dairy and soy intolerance, which is already difficult to stick to.

Anyway, I have learned two major things from this cleanse:
1. Cooking at home saves a lot of money.
2. All cooking at home requires is a chunk of time at the beginning of the week to plan out meals & grocery shop.

Even though I felt like I spent a lot at the grocery store buying stuff to cook, I only ate out twice in the two weeks and I spent way less on food than I usually do. Which led me to reconsider how much of my paycheck on food. Verdict: too much. Because I have had an actual paycheck since September, I have been less budget-conscious when it comes to food. Before I started earning a decent wage, I was so used to eating whatever and whenever I could because I was so broke. I think not being so broke has led me to feel like I can sort of celebrate this by spending whatever I need to in order to feed myself. Suffice to say, it's time to tighten the purse strings a little, and cooking at home is definitely a key to achieving this.

sugar woes

I was doing just fine without sugar until I had some on Sunday. It started with a chocolate covered strawberry at the bridal shower, and just that little bit of chocolate set me off. Then a couple days later, I decided that it was okay to dive into the goodie bag from the shower.

You can see where this is going.

Yesterday night, after eating three healthy meals, I decided it was okay to finish the Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans I had stashed away. Then today at work, I felt sick. I felt nauseous. I have felt nauseous even to the point of throwing up at work dozens of times this year. For a hot second I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not nor have I ever been. Something that I do to my body causes me to throw up. It makes me sad to think that I am the sole cause of my pain. It's pathetic really.

Even though I am still eating very healthy meals, it's sugary snacks that I crave. I have been able to abstain from sugar completely for months at a time before, and it is only after a lot of time after not eating sugar that I can eat it normally. Once I cross the line of eating more than I should though, there's no turning back.

I can't keep doing this to myself, no matter how good sugar tastes.

half way

Yesterday was my friend's bridal shower, so I anticipated not eating as well as I have been. It was a brunch buffet, which is basically one of my favorite things ever. I had fruit, cheesy...potatoes (they looked too good to resist), eggs, two slices of bacon, one piece of french toast, a slice of ham, and a chocolate covered strawberry. I just realized that sounds like a ton of food, but I stuck to decent-sized portions. Yes, I could have said no to either the french toast and/or the cheesy potatoes, but...when in Rome. The mimosas were easy to say no to because champagne makes me sick on contact. Something about the carbonation and my stomach does not mix, so I stuck to unsweetened iced tea.

Unfortunately, my stomach felt a little funky for the rest of the afternoon. Meaning: my body is rejecting bad-for-me food. This is good news, I guess, but my inner fat kid is mourning over the loss of fatty foods. For dinner, I just had some chips and salsa and a little bit of carne asada at a friend's house and then sliced cucumbers when I got home because I wasn't very hungry.

Then of course, my stomach hurt this morning. It was a combination of being bloated and in pain. I'm not sure exactly what caused it, especially since I didn't eat much later in the day. It went away by the time I left for work, and I was fine the rest of the day.

I ate well at work, but by the time I got home, I was ravenous. I seem to not eat enough during the day which makes me overeat at dinner time. Does anyone else experience this? I feel satiated at work, then I come home and I become so hungry.

While preparing (a healthy) dinner tonight, I grazed the whole time. Since I was in "stuff my face" mode, I ate my dinner too quickly, which leaves me feeling unsatisfied and wanting more. I must admit, I just ate the salt water taffy that was in my little goody bag. Definitely NOT a clean food. Ergh. Just goes to show that once I feel unsatisfied and in manic eat mode, I want more than I need. 

Take-aways from the last two days:
1. It's easier than I thought to eat healthy at social events.
2. I need to eat my meals slower.
3. I need to feel more full during the day so I don't over-eat at night.

day six

I must confess: I cheated yesterday. But it's really minor, and it was a learning opportunity, so it really doesn't count.

By Thursday, the end of the week had gotten to me, and I had lost enthusiasm for cooking and preparing meals ahead of time. I relied on leftovers and salads to tide me over, but they definitely weren't as fulfilling as fresh meals.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon I started craving fruit snacks. I keep a huge stash in my classroom as bribes rewards for the kids, and just knowing they are within arms reach makes me crave them from time to time. After a couple of hours, it wouldn't go away, so I gave in.

I had one little tiny bag and it hurt my stomach immediately. It was like I had just eaten poison. I couldn't believe that just five days into avoiding processed sugar and foods my stomach was rejecting it so quickly. Then I realized, that what I had just eaten was essentially poison. Eventually all of the processed foods that we eat have negative effects on our bodies.

The pain went away after twenty minutes or so. I was glad that I felt that pain only because it reminded me how fragile my body is and that I need to treat it as such.

Tomorrow I'm going to a bridal shower, and while I intend to stick to my plan as much as possible, I realize it may not be completely feasible since we will be at a pretty nice restaurant and I don't want to be fussy. And I'm American; I can't say no to free food.